Just the two of us, we can make it we try

Apologies to Grover Washington fans everywhere... if there are any. (reference to the title, an old song from the late 70's or early 80's ... I can't remember. Heard it on the radio the other day.)


I read somewhere a long time ago, that the divorce rate for married parents of an autistic child is 80%. That statistic boggled my simple mind.

I question where the stats were gathered. While I'm sure there are cases out there where it could be true, there are dozens and dozens of couples that I know, who have children on the spectrum, and all are still married.


But there is no doubt, Autism changes the schematics of the Holy Union between husband and wife.


What I offer in this article is a brief, yet candid insight into my marriage. And in an effort to keep me sleeping in my own bed and not on the lumpy couch, my wife has approved the following blog entry. :)


Autism has a funny way of bringing imperfections to light. Mason isn't the perfect child. He couldn't do those milestones I referred to in previous posts, that other perfect children mastered so easily.


The stress of having a child on the spectrum, brought our marriage imperfections to light as well.


I am a horrible communicator. Rashele, an overcommunicator. Somewhere in there I suppose there is a balance.


Arguments, when they do arise on occassion, can get loud. We've had our share of shouting matches, like any couple. We're always careful to not do it around the kids.


Rashele will use 100 words to illustrate her point, I'll use 10. In my mind I like to think that's because I'm more efficient, but I do recognize that it's a shortcoming that needs work. Writing always comes easier to me as it allows my time to gather my thoughts. When those shouting matches do occur, it can REALLY be a challenge to not go to bed angry. And in those times that we haven't called a truce and played nice before bedtime, one of us finds out how uncomfortable sleeping on the couch can be.

Another challenge is Time. We're always at a disadvantage here, as it's become our most precious commodity that we rarely get to cash in. Between the constant juggling act of school, therapies, play groups, making sure our 2 other typical kids are taken care of, autism really consumes our schedule.

This leaves very little, if any time for each other. And truthfully at the end of the day we collapse from sheer exhaustion when we go to bed. Not long after we fall asleep the nightly wake up calls of Mason start. Usually around 1am, continuing until 5am. (Though lately he's been sleeping better. Still since birth he's only slept all the way thru the night a couple dozen times.) It wasnt until Mason came along that I realized how important sleep was. And the devastating effect it can have on your mood if you're not getting enough.

Thankfully we are very fortunate to have a large family support system minutes away. This does allow us time every couple of weeks to retreat to a quiet dinner somewhere w/out having to overlook a child's menu, or wonder if the lighting, large crowd, or smells will push Mason over the edge. And if we're lucky.. we may even get to take in a movie too.


We'd love to go on weekend trip somewhere nearby, sans offspring. But neither of us are at that point that we could leave without stressing too much about Mason to truly enjoy each other's company. We're not ready. I don't know if our family support system is ready either. They'd be the ones caring for him in our absence. While they all know Mason's challenges, I don't know if they completely understand the hovering that takes place almost all the time.


Despite the challenge, we're in good shape. Our relationship by no means perfect, remains very strong.