That river in Egypt

I'm backing up a bit, to the day the Pedi Neurologist suspected autism. We left his office, fastened Mason into his car seat and drove home.

I was shocked. I didn't believe it.

Why? I have no clue.

I remember getting emotional about it in the car. To the point that my tear ducts produced a liquid like salty discharge...tears?!?! What the hell?!?! This never happens.

(** last time I had cried was when Michael Jordan had retired......the first time..by retirement #2 and #3, I didn't care anymore.)

I digress..back to the ride home..

I was scared. In my mind I was flashing forward into Mason's future.

What will he turn out like?

Will he have friends?

Will he ever do the foolish things that are considered misdameanors in most states, or have a humorous story about spending the night in jail like his father?

Will he ever grow up to be a sub par, yet better than the average caucasian basketball player like good ole' dad?

Will he ever get married?

Will he ever give me grandkids?

To say that these thoughts don't plague me daily is silly. I do think of these things on an almost daily basis.

Yes, of course he'll do these things I said to myself. He's not autistic. He's just taking things slow. He's the 3rd child. He's like me. Laid back. Soaking it all in......

I was in denial.

What's worse is that I denied that I was in denial.

It's rare that anything "grips" me and shakes me up. I'm, as I stated above, an extremely laid back person. Autism however has gripped me. It's shaken me up.


I want to fix it. I want a cure. I want it yesterday.

I came around pretty quickly and accepted my son's disability. I know a lot of fathers have a hard time with that. Why waste time? I thought to myself, You're not doing anyone, especially your son any favors by doing so.

Thankfully my wife didn't wait for me. She was in control. She was as usual, a whirwind, moving forward arranging state provided services, reading all the cool autism books, googling every known supposed cure known to mankind.

There were a ton of them.

She even found something about curing autism by swimming w/dolphins. ... Oh boy, this is going to be a fun ride. (sarcasm)